Pink Ribbon

October is the month of breast cancer awareness worldwide. For those of you who don't know what Pink Ribbon is, click here for Wiki information. The Dutch Pink Ribbon fund for Breast Cancer Awareness has been issuing the Pink Ribbon Magazine for the past 4 years. On its site, I found a link for a Pink Badge, which from now on appears on my blog as a sign that I sincerely support this initiative.

In the Pink Ribbon glossy magazine, sold for € 4,99 each, the makers (editors, journalists and other staff etc. are from well-known glossy such as Marie Claire, Elle) work voluntarily. Editorials are the one and only income sources to be able to publish this glossy. The turnover would be donated to Pink Ribbon fund for breast cancer research.

The facts about Breast Cancer (as stated in the Dutch Pink Ribbon Magazine, year after year, to build more awareness):
Breast Cancer is the most type of cancer found in NL
1 out of 8 Dutch Women would get it
Dutch Women will be called on a mandatory mammography at the age of 55 by the Ministry of Health (in the USA this happens on the age of 40).
Men can get breast cancer too
Self check after your period does help to prevent this or to discover a bump in an early stage
Using roll on deodorant will not cause breast cancer



I won't write about the content of this initiative as you all could read it elsewhere (through the link to Wiki I put above for example). I prefer to write about my own experiences with this type of cancer due the presence of cancer gen in my family (of both sides). I underwent two operations (when I was 17 and 21 years old) to remove a suspicous bump on my breast, so did my sister. This is the reason why I stopped smoking. The bump was a benignant tumor though, but still I was scared to death at that time.

Psychologically speaking, breast cancer for women is a very tough disease. It is severe enough to have cancer on your breasts, when they are to be amputated the effect on yourself as a woman would be huge, not to mention the hair lost due to the chemotherapy. After all, sick or not, most women of all ages, love to take care of their body.

I know/knew women around me who survived after some painful & torturing chemotherapy sessions, lost their weight and hair, forced to wear wigs and now their hair grows again. Some didn't survive it, some prefer not the have her breasts amputated risking death to follow against the wil of their husband/boyfriend.

So I dedicate the month October and this post to tante Wiwi (in memoriam), bude Wan (in memoriam), Frank's mother (in memoriam), Marijke, Thea, Sam and other ladies I don't know by name.

Don't get mad, get everything!

The relationship of a dear friend of mine was ended because her bf cheated on her. She found out about this at 3rd of January this year. The relationship lasted 17 years, where they lived together for the past 15 years. It turned that he began cheating on her from september 2007.

Her reaction at first was disbelief followed by anger because of the cheat. Even I was in shock, they seemed to have a solid relationship. Now, a half year later, she's doing fine. I'm sure about this, she's strong & determined to get her life back on track as single lady. She has this capacity to function well at her work despite of this huge relationship problem.

Last week I went to see her. After having dealt with the emotional roller coaster ride, she must stay clear to handle other things such as dividing their joint belongings/property, they both have a good job, nice house and no kids. Meanwhile the ex (it is funny how fast she changed calling him the ex instead of his name) has been demanding her to sell the house immediately after the break up. She is still living there but no..she has no hurry putting the house in the market. Just a month after the break, he had picked up his gadgets (stereo systems etc.) .

She told me that after hiring a female lawyer, she came to the conclusion "Don't get mad, get everything!". Ivanna Trump invented this famous one liner when she was divorcing Donald after he cheated on her with a model. To be honest, I didn't expect my friend to follow this 'policy', but she was the one who was cheated on. I warned her tough, if she wants to get everything, be prepare for a long battle. As a friend I can only offer her my support when needed.

Empowerment!

Last week I was busy with preparations of an empowerment project of female imigrants in NL in the city where I live. During the briefing I had an honour to chat with 2 women, 1 from Afghanistan and 1 from Iran.

The Afghan woman is a last year medical student. She came to NL because of her marriage with a Dutch-Afghan man. I was really inspired by her story. First thing I asked her when I learned that she was a medical student was, how the hell she could follow the lessons. OK, Taliban is not in power anymore but remains of its dogma is still present in the head of an average Afghan man. So women are still not allowed to do some things. The lessons were held in her professor house, at night. She would get a text message (long live technology!) when a lesson would be given. Besides following lessons at night, she managed to get a job as an interpreter at Oxfam. During her task at Oxfam she came in contact with her current husband. The rest is history. She came to NL & is now determined to finish her medical study. She is an intelligent young lady with a very good knowledge of English (mine was really bad comparing with her).

Now the story of the Iranian. She came here to wed a man which she barely knew. 6 years ago she bared him a baby girl but the husband started to abuse her. She couldn't stand it & was brave enough to divorce him. Now, she is a divorced woman with a child, tries to make ends meet monthly with an income from government support. In september she would start with a year training to be a certified employe at a daycare. She thinks she can combine this job and also be able to take care of her daughter. She revealed to me that Iranian society here disrespects her due to her status. A divorced woman is not worth even a glance when they meet her at the market.

This project is launched to stimulate imigrant women to explore themselves. The two short stories above are examples of those who already have known what they want to reach. And what about us? Women who live in freedom. We tend to take the freedom for granted while the achievements of our predecessors are very precious to throw away.

Working Moms

This morning when I brought my daughter G to school, a mom of one of G's classmates asked me to take her daughter during lunch break this coming Thursday. Dutch Elementary schools have an extended lunch break from 11.45 - 13.00 o'clock. In big cities, most children enjoy their lunch at school, in small towns like where I live, parents (90% moms, others are fathers, grand parents or baby sitters) pick up the children so that they can lunch at home. Before 13.00 o'clock children must be back at school for noon lessons till 15.30 o'clock.


The conversation I mention above went like this:
Mom: Hallo, could you take Irene with lunch break with you this Thursday?
Me: No.
Mom: why not?
Me: No, I can't (still didn't feel the need to explain the reason why)
Mom: why not?
Me: No can do, cause G stays at school during lunch break, the whole week.
Mom: really? (with great disbelief, duhhh)
Me: Yessss (I began to sound really pissed off). I work full time, I don't even pick up my own daughter for lunch, let alone yours. Actually, I'm giving you too much information right now, so I just can't (I started to leave her)
Mom: mm..but I would have a problem then. I have an appointment at the hospital.
Me: It is your own problem, bye.

Now I write down my reasons why I reacted that way:
1. Her daugther is not close with mine. So I thaught, "who the hell was she daring asking me this??"
2. The way she asked this favor, directly. If she asked politely starting with "Can I ask you a favor?" or "Would you like to...please", I would've reacted differently.
3. Her assumption that mothers, if they have a job, they must work part time.

The third reason was the one which pissed me off. This assumption is very much alive among Dutch stay at home moms. Most of working moms have a part time job 20 - 24 hours/week. So if a mom works, she is supposed to work part time. I personally don't have a problem with part time working moms or home makers, what I do have a problem is with women accusing working moms as not being consequent as mother by saying 'We don't take (in Indonesian Culture please read as = have or get) children just to dump them in the daycares'. They give working moms subtle intinuation that working moms are focusing too much on their career. Instead of helping each others, there is an underneath battle going on here.

Don't get me wrong I admire women who decide to stay at home raising their children. They take care of children of working moms during school activities (driving them to footbaal match, pick nick and many others). What I don't like is the judgement that as if working moms were 'less motherly' than stay at home moms.

V for Vendetta

Beberapa waktu yang lalu gue ikutan seminar tentang Huiselijk Geweld, Domestic Violence (indonesia: Kekerasan rumah tangga). First, the categories: physic of verbal? sexual or mind abuse? negligence or exploitation? Korbannya pun bukan hanya perempuan tapi juga laki2, anak2, tua-muda. Stereotype publik adalah korban kekerasan rt pasti perempuan. Pelakunya biasanya orang2 deket/yang kenal si korban.

Gue rasa di Indonesia juga udah banyak info mengenai kekerasan rt. Disini ada beberapa LSM untuk penampungan korban2 (biasanya perempuan), ada biro khusus untuk advise para korban, juga ada satu badan untuk post traumatic treatment. Terus untuk pelakunya juga ada 1 badan untuk psychiatric sessions (syaratnya pelaku ini mau & bersedia ikut).

Ada 1 instansi namanya Blijf van mijn lijf huis (english: A get off my body home) untuk korban2 perempuan plus anak2 mereka. Mereka bisa tinggal disini temporary & anonimously. Ada 1 kasus beberapa tahun lalu, 1 perempuan keluar dari rumah ini, nginep 1 week end di rumah ibunya. Akhirnya dia ditembak ex suaminya.

Ternyata menurut statistik Belanda hampir setengah penduduk sini korban atau pernah jadi korban bentuk kekerasan ini. Yang gue surprise denger di seminar ini, pemerintah lokal Arnhem sepakat untuk kerja sama dengan beberapa instansi, supaya handlingnya lebih cepet & better coordinated. Cuma kenapa inisiatif ini baru sekarang? Setahu gue udah lama banyak instansi yang care sama persoalan ini. Dan pertanyaan aktual adalah: gimana kita bisa tau bahwa seseorang itu korban kekerasan rt? Soalnya tau sendiri, disini hidup bener2 individualis, privacy is a sacred cause!!!

I wish all domestic violence (ex)victims good luck with going on further with their lives!